What To Say When A Family Dog Has Died

What To Say When A Family Dog Has Died

When a family dog has died it can be the most heartbreaking time for someone, both mentally and physically. It’s very similar grief to how you feel if you lose a family member or close friend. However, you have to carry on regardless, despite the pain. You can’t really take time off work or cancel plans when a family dog dies, even though it will be the last thing that you want to do.

Not everyone is a dog person and for them, it is hard to comprehend the way that the person is feeling. Some people know exactly how it feels but find it difficult to say the right words. However, there are also people who just want to help but unfortunately, don’t think before speaking.

This is a long post but it contains everything you will need to know if someone close to you is grieving for a beloved pet.

It contains what you can do to help when a dog has died.

What NOT to say.

Poems which may offer comfort

Gifts and gestures which might ease the sadness

My personal losses and how I coped at this sad time

And an uplifting poem all about our love for dogs.

It isn’t just difficult for the person who has lost their dog, but everyone around them.

Some people just want to be left alone, others want to talk endlessly about how they feel. Also, emotions can change very suddenly and bouts of weeping, ranting and deep sadness can come out of nowhere.

Things To Do When A Family Dog Has Died.

1 No words are necessary.

Simply “I’m sorry for your loss” is all you need to say. It doesn’t help when people try to empathise with recollections of how they lost their own pets, you can’t compare pain, it is immeasurable.

2 Listen.

If the grieving person wants to talk, just listen, it may make them feel better. Consequently, it doesn’t have to be a two-way discussion, you won’t be expected to come up with a solution, there are none. However, someone who sits quietly and genuinely listens is so comforting.

If the person doesn’t want to talk, give them time. On the other hand, it might be that he or she wants to talk continuously about their loss. If this happens don’t try to change the subject, this phase of grief will pass.

3 Use the name of the pet.

Even if you didn’t know the pet, refer to him by name, not ‘your dog’. Giving the pet a generic name somehow diminishes his relevance. To the person who is grieving, the pet was much more than just a dog.

4 Send a card or write a poem.

This doesn’t have to be a long, emotive message but it is very comforting to receive something tangible to acknowledge a dog’s death. However, make it clear that it can be put away until the person is ready to read it, but it shows that you care.

There are some examples of poems and quotes further down the page.

5 Recollect

After a few days, the unbearable grief will have reduced a little. It is then nice to recollect funny things that the dog did or maybe produce photographs of happy times. The bereaved person will desperately want his dog to be remembered, so show that his life gave joy. Dogs are only here for a relatively short time, therefore it is important to owners that their lives are remembered.

Gifts and Gestures to Offer Comfort When A Family Dog Has Died

Sadly when a dog dies there is no funeral or obituaries, so a small gesture to acknowledge the loss of a dog’s life is really appreciated.

1 Buy some flowers, a plant or a rose to plant in the garden.

2 If a child is missing a dog, a small cuddly toy will give comfort.

3 Get an engraving of the dog’s name on a small trinket, maybe a keyring or locket.

4 A portrait of the dog would be a very welcome gift.

5 A Christmas tree ornament with the dog’s name is a really special way to ensure that the dog is always remembered at special times.

6 If you have a photograph of the dog, put it into a lovely frame.

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7 There are some beautiful memorial candles available to buy, again these can be personalised.

8 Find a poem which is written to help with loss and print out a copy.

9 Buy a book which is specifically written to help with the loss of a pet. However, give your friend or family member the option to put it in a drawer to read when the time feels right.

Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet

10 Make a donation to an animal charity or sponsor a rescue dog.

The last one is probably the most important but least thought about. When a person is suffering from overpowering grief mundane chores are the last things that they want to do.

11  Do something practical to help. This can be taking the children to the park, making a pie or picking up the dry cleaning. It will be most appreciated.

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When you don’t know what to say or do a small gift is a really heartfelt gesture. I have a key ring that my daughter bought for me and it goes wherever I go. We also have a little plaque with a robin that I hang up in remembrance of Alfie at Christmas, so he is always with us.

I found that writing things down helped me with my grief and this blog is dedicated to Alfie because he would want me to go on helping dogs.

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I planted this beautiful rose bush when a foster dog called Harvey passed away. It flowers every year, at the end of May and is always in full bloom on the anniversary of his death. Here is Harvey’s story.

12 Things NOT to say when a family dog has died.

1 ‘He had a good life’.

2 ‘He isn’t suffering now’.

3 ‘You can get another dog’.

4 ‘Be strong’

5′ I know how you feel’

6 ‘He was just a dog’

7 ‘At least he had a long life’.

8 ‘It’s probably for the best.’

9 ‘You can go on that cruise now’

10 ‘You’ll soon feel better’

11 ‘They can’t live forever’

12 ‘You can get a puppy now’

 Well Known Dog Bereavement Quotes

 To Add To Cards Or Messages.

‘Some angels choose fur instead of wings’

‘Your friend cannot be replaced, but always remembered’

‘No one can truly understand why dogs are called
“man’s best friend” until they have experienced the loss of one.’

‘Don’t cry because it ended, smile because it happened’ (Dr. Seuss)

‘A pet may not be our whole life, but they make our lives whole’ (Roger Caras)

The Rainbow Bridge Poem

This is a poem that was sent to me by a friend who runs a dog rescue.

The dog rescue community often refer to a deceased dog waiting for you  ‘over the bridge’. Sometimes they will simply say ‘run free’ which is also in reference to The Rainbow Bridge poem. I found this extremely comforting personally when my dog passed away. Sadly, the writer is unknown.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm
and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health
and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again,
just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and
looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your
special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head,
and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your
life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together

– Unknown

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Goodbye, For Now

This is a poem that I wrote myself just a few hours after my beloved dog Alfie died very suddenly. Alfie helped me out when I fostered rescue dogs. He would always make the homeless dogs welcome and share all his possessions. He had a little soulmate called Holly who is still alive and well. When I suffered from insomnia and depression he was always by my side.

The poem is unedited and written completely from the heart, just a few hours after we lost Alfie.

I hope it brings a little comfort.

Alfie’s Poem

Goodbye for now

My gentle friend

Your work here is done

So to heaven

we send

The kindest soul

The warmest heart

The sweetest boy

to ever depart

You spread your kindness

to dogs in need

Regardless of background

colour or breed

You made them welcome

and offered your home

With you by their side

they were never alone

 You shared your loved ones

your toys, your bed

‘Such a softy’ was often said

And when they left

for pastures new

You picked me up

and helped me through

Your little soul mate

looks so sad

She ll always miss

the love you had

Your partner in crime

looks at the door

the one where you met him

with an open paw

That tiny puppy

you taught to play

she’d nibble your ears

then run away

The one who was sick

hurt and betrayed

You taught him to trust you

and great friends were made

Then there’s the pal

who visits each year

On hot sunny days

and with Christmas cheer

with a wag of your tail

and your welcoming face

the fun you’d have!

the birds you’d chase

When the days were dark

with sadness and pain

You gave me a reason

to get up again.

And now

too soon

its come to an end

And your work is needed

in heaven my friend.

They needed an angel to stand at the gate

to welcome the others

who’d wait and wait

for their family to join them

so alone and so sad

But you’ll comfort their sorrow

and soothe pain

that they had

Now the house is so quiet

the cushions are neat

There’s no sneezy kisses

or pattering of feet

The summer-house

won’t be the same

without my boy

hiding again

And the cold lonely nights

when I cannot sleep

We drank warm milk

and to bed, we’d creep

So for now

we bid you goodbye

My angel in heaven

a new star in the sky.

Kate Hanford

Alfie’s story can be read here.

Finally…

I would like to leave this article on an uplifting note,

Here is my favourite dog poem, some beautiful words about our love of dogs…

When God had made the earth and sky,
The flowers and the trees.
He then made all the animals,
The fish, the birds and bees.
And when at last He’d finished,
Not one was quite the same.
He said, “I’ll walk this world of mine,
And give each one a name.”
And so He traveled far and wide
And everywhere He went,
A little creature followed Him
Until its strength was spent.
When all were named upon the earth
And in the sky and sea,
The little creature said, “Dear Lord,
There’s not one left for me.”
Kindly the Father said to him,
“I’ve left you to the end.
I’ve turned my own name back to front
And called you dog, my friend.”

Author Unknown

Additional Reading

Gifts For Grieving Dog Owners

Thank you for reading. I hope there will be something in this article which helps to bring a little comfort and peace in a time of extreme sadness. If you are struggling with the grief of losing a pet, please leave a comment below and I promise to get back to you….you are never alone and it might help to share  your story.

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